I guess I should say something meaningful

Today was my last day of school. I am almost finished this particular race. And what I feel, is a little numbness, a bit of a pull on my brain- and some swirling emotions behind the tension- but no specific feelings. Am I sad? Yes. Will I miss this experience? Absoloutly. Was it worth the struggle? YES. Was it time to move forward? yes. yes. yes. Congratulations to me!! I finished school!! Even if I am the only person in the world that celebrates this victory- I am dancing with joy to have accomplished what I have. Now it is time to move into a new space- already living in a new place- and finding a new path.... and I'm excited to see what comes. But yesterday, I was thinking about beauty and death- a thought about how we in North American society are obsessed with external beauty. The classroom discussion yesterday was euthanasia, and I wondered to myself, if our obsession with the perfect has skewed our view of what is acceptable. Do we (as an example) choose to end a life before it begins because that life will not be "perfecr" in our eyes? Is that kindness, or pride? Not of course that I want to take anything away from the freedom to choose, ever. But why do we make the choices we make? What do you believe in relation to beauty and the soul? Where do you stand? I'm curious. I'm not a person of judgement- no arguments from me- just questions today. These are purely my own thoughts and I wonder about these things a lot. I guess given that I was supposed to be aborted, and turned out to be "perfect" I take exception to genetic selection a little. I'm personally very grateful to be here. I've also had to make difficult choices about life and death myself, so I'm not unsympathetic. But now I AM THINKING about life itself- and the nature and beauty of it all. Do we create the world in our personal image of what god is? Do we create ourselves in a view of god (conscious or not)? Is George W simply reflecting his own view of the Is as a tyrant and authoritarian father god who punishes the wicked? What about my behaviour is not in alignment with what I believe god is? And how can I change that? What do I need to do to reflect more accuratly my own vision of god? Is it more compassion? Sexier clothes? A healthier lifestyle? A happier self? Does god smoke? Does god have allergies to cats, and then decide to pet them anyway and then spend the rest of the afternoon sneezing? Can these things be part of my image of what god is? Do the leaders we choose reflect our view of the Isness itself? Do the models, leaders and stars of our universe reflect how we think god is? Do these models, leaders and stars make the world a better place? Do they take action to bring more light here, or do they live for more self-serving ends? Do we think god is selfish? Do we believe that god would make a movie about himself, suffering and tormented, without giving more than a hint of the wonder and power of his ability to recreate himself and rise from his own death, and take home millions in profits? Is that the kind of God we believe in? What kind of God do I believe in (consciously or subconsciously)? Well, looking at my own self, behaviour and actions- I could create a most interesting image of god- but would it be acurate? How could it be when I have only finite understanding, and can not see the world beyond dimensions as of yet? Well, unless I try really, really hard- and that happens only once in a while. I guess I just wonder how we can bring more joy here, and ease some of the pain and rage and struggle and unheard voices. There are so many angry gods *er people out here floating through space with us. What do they need? Why are they angry with the universe?