Anime Rose has returned from the land of spirit.
I chose to cut her off for a while, thought I was done with her forever... and then recently was asked to bring her back, as a gift to myself. So- hello there friends. I will once again write as Anime, because in that name there lies power for me, and I speak and sense things as I write with her words, that I could not otherwise connect to.
I've been thinking a lot about generosity and gratitude lately.
Funny enough, it started when I was reading a book about financial success. The author spent an entire chapter talking about the importance of gratitude, and how the expression of gratitude and thankfulness can bring great blessings and prosperity into ones life.
It reminded me of a very dear Shaman friend of mine- one who was always so grateful for all the things in his life. And I realized that even looking back on it now, his attitide of gratefulness and joy was a rare blessing- a powerful benediction for all those who stopped to know him.
I can not say enough about how wonderful it can be to spend time with someone who is profoundly grateful to spend time with you, who cherishes your words and who treats you with a deep and abiding respect and love.
This is the act of gratitide... and one I have decided to cultivate for a while.
I could speak of and thank all of the people in my journeys who have taught me important lessons. All of you who read my words and know me, truly know my spirit and self; You already know my love and appreciation and gratitide- and if not... there will come a time when you will realize just how much I gave you with my harsh words and how much it cost me to remain silent after speaking my truth and knowing you were angry and wouldn't write back.
If you don't know me, let me share a piece of myself with you now. AT times I speak in strong words to those I love. A time comes when I see that the time for talking about things is at an end, and I see the universe preparing a spirit for a new journey. I also see how the individual is making excuses for not taking that journey, and how even though they have understanding and know what to do- they continue to avoid the issues.
I am blunt and some think unkind. But those difficult words to read are even more difficult to write. I agonize over them and ponder their weight and edit and tweak until I feel they are just the right ones to send. I write with a great strenght of love and compassion- even as I am direct and sometimes cutting. And I pray to sprit- to the Isness and allness and the guides and all of the world- that I am sending the words and message that is needed at that time.
But it has happened in the past that some have chosen not to write me back. And as this is a possibility I am distinctly aware of, pressing the send button on any of those e-mails is exceedingly difficult. I don't really want to make you angry. My human child-she-self wants you to love me unconditionally and will do whatever you want to make that possible. But my inner core- my true spirit- gets tired of the games and makes a choice- while the meeker tamer one cringes and prays you won't be angry.
The result- I take on the pain of not hearing from you in order to be honest with both of us. I am willing to pay the price of rejection in order to be true to my beleifs and self. ANd I have gratitude, profound and deep love and thankfulness, and forgiveness for each person who never wrote back. I learned how to accept a no, and to be more free and clear in my words with each rejection.
While it still hurts, thank you. And while I still miss you: I forgive you. And I forgive myself for saying what I believed to be true and for growth. I will always be happy to hear from you, but as time passes, my worry and concern for what you think grows less and less.
So thank you to L- who gave me the book, to the author of the book, and first and foremost, to R- who gave me a life experience of relationship with gratitide, and taught me that thankfulness is an art. I may have forgotten that lesson over time, but I would never have understood it so clearly and been able to invoke it's beauty and powers in the past few weeks, if not for those wonderful spring and summer days we spent together, when I was blessed to learn from another of the great and unrecognized masters.
If you ever read this R- may you recognize your own genius and beauty in the sound of rain falling softly and the laughter of small children. Blessings, always and in all ways from the grandfathers on my doorstep:
Love
Anime
