Working limitations, patterns

Yes I'm depressed, yes I'm feeling pretty stuck and frustrated and tired of doing the same damn thing all the time... wouldn't you be? I want to be free from the programs that are currently running amok in my system, and reset the defaults. I don't exactly know how to do that- so yes, I am feeling helpless...

After seeing the possibility of being everything that I can be, not once, not twice, but three times... in the past year, I feel that much more limited by my current experience... and at the same time, in a way I'm glad that I didn't take on those things that could have been for me... for I recognize how much I need to heal and grow before I can accept them.

Maybe on one level you are right- maybe I should just stop trying to process again, and just go find another job in a series of them and know that that is all I can do right now and that I'm not capable of more, and go through the same cycle I just went through (which was meaningless and pointless as far as getting ahead, and sort of educational as far as patterns).

Does it matter what I do for a living... shouldn't I be able to do just about anything and be happy- not now, not in my current space.

Do you understand that I have to find a different way or the same experiences will manifest until they kill me? What was the point of being in the same place I was a year, two years, 5 years ago? What did I gain from that manifestation? NO. The pattern must be stopped now... it must be released and then I can move forward with my life. The only way I can think of to do that is to find the source of the belief and accept it so that I can stop being blinded by it as I try to push it away from me.